Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Barf! Packers Season In Review... Part One 

Here's our attempt at giving a review on the Packers (Barf!) 6-10 season that came to a close with so many expectations left unmet. As much as I would like to start what analysis I can give with the actual games, one can't overlook what happened before the first kick-off was even reached.

Offseason:  The only one's who don't remember the Packers offseason turmoil are the one's lucky enough to have their psychological defense mechanism's kicked on, sorry, I'm not one those lucky few. The Packers off-season started by a "surprise" announcement that Brett Favre was retiring. I only say surprise, because to this day, it's unclear exactly what Favre's reasons were. After a long summer, it become unclear whom to believe, Packers management, composed of GM Ted Thompson, Head Coach Mike McCarthy, and CEO Mark Murphy, or Brett Favre's entourage of his wife Deanna, his brother Scott, ESPN Reporters by the dozen and his agent Bus Cook. Most of us Packer fans, myself included, figured that the parties involved would somehow resolve their differences and Brett Favre would be on the Packers roster come the season opener, likely as the starting QB.

Sure didn't work out that way, Thompson dumped/traded Favre to the NY Jets for an escalating draft pick, and the Packers Organization told their fans to move on and get over it. Not an easy thing to do. Hindsight reveals that with Brett's interception rodeo to close out the Jets season, that the Packers made the right decision. They will receive a 3rd round pick in return.

Another big development were the contract talks with RB Ryan Grant that didn't get resolved until late in the preseason. Grant showed up mildly out of shape (he did attend all off season workout, he just didn't participate physically) and it took him until the middle of the season to gain the form that deserved the big contract. Between the chaos of the Brett Favre circus and the delay of getting Ryan Grant ready to play, the Packers offense entered the season with a huge question mark hanging over it's head.

Preseason:  The Packers preseason went, well it's preseason, the Packers didn't play all that well in any of their games really, lot's of penalties, lot's of mistakes, the Pack finish 1-3. Surprises, a few, RB Kregg Lumpkin started to show that maybe he has starter skills in the NFL, and 2nd round pick QB Brian Brohm, who coach Mike McCarthy said picked up his offense quicker than anyone, gets beat out by 7th round pick QB Matt Flynn who delivered on the field.

Another surprise came when P John Ryan, an average punter in the NFL, was replaced by P Derrick Frost right after final roster cuts. As one Redskins fan in a forum said "ha hahaha ahhaha that guy sucks. we couldn't get rid of him fast enough". Well, turned out to be an accurate statement. John Ryan continued his career with the Seahawks, and the Packers had one of the worst punter's in the teams history.

All and all, the Packers offseason turmoil was the exact opposite of what had happened the year before, when Favre was in all offseason camps, everyone was on the same page and it led the Packers to hosting the NFC Championship game before finishing 14-4. As compared to this current year, fan divisiveness over Brett Favre at the Packers, at each other, at everyone. Continuing with uninspired coaching and play during the preseason games and heading into the opening weekend against the Vikings with un-tested Aaron Rodgers running the show. Expectations were high, fans like myself couldn't wait for that 1st regular season game, it was the only thing pulling us through the dark times that clouded last off-season. Hopefully all that acrimonious bullshit will be gone from this year's off-season. A fan can only pray. At some point, the Football Gods have to listen.

more to come...

BeerKid - Always Pack For Life!

Saturday, October 04, 2008

The Packer Remote... 

It's always one thing to try and predict what the Packers are going to do each week. Injuries always contribute the most to this imprecision, and so many other factors are involved it boggles the unprepared mind, so it usually comes down to gut-instinct guess on which team will prevail on any given day, it's why they play the game. It's quite another thing to actually control the outcome. It has been done. By me.

Take last year, you want to know why the Packers did so well? It's quite simple, Lemondrop sent me this Packers remote. It was quite functional, worked as needed. The opening game was in doubt, I was able to get the Packers into FG range, a surprising win over the Eagles to start last year. Week after week I used the remote during the game. It was beautiful, it was awkward, it played like an upside down 12-string guitar, but I was learning. Ran into some trouble during the 1st Bears game, lost the Cowboys game when I forgot to program in the backup QB function during pre-game. After the 2nd Bears loss due to insufficient power, and cold weather, I had the batteries fine-tuned and upgraded specifically for the Playoffs. I was in control, it was a dream season, the Packers were sitting at 14-3 and hosting the NFC Championship game... what could go wrong?

The Giants came to play, I fought hard, the remote did what it needed but it was like someone was fighting back, (my suspicions are that a NYG remote is out there somewhere, how ELSE do you explain them winning the SB) and the game drove into overtime. To my shame, this is the first time I'm telling all of you, that fateful moment, the play. I pressed "PASS" and then just as BF dropped back, the remote slipped from my hand. I should have let it drop, but no, I reached for it, bobbled it, and then triumphantly clutched it between my forefinger and thumb, with no beer spilled, but here it is, to my horror my thumb was pressed down hard on the "INT" button and sure enough, well most of you are aware of how the tale ends, no matter how many times I pressed the combo "TACKLE" + "FUM" to stop them on the ensuing series, the NY Giants got their overtime FG and the right to go the Super Bowl.

I haven't touched the remote since... it took me and the Packers almost to the very top last year, and then left us all cold, crumpled, collapsed and bleeding on the frozen sidewalk, the damned thing is for sale. Anyone interested?

BeerKid - Still Pack For Life!

Friday, August 15, 2008

Shocking Breaking News... 

It's now my "Unforgettable Manitoba Moment." Did the tentacles of Brett Favre's early retirement stretch out and claim victims across international borders? Following up on a story first provided in Canada by our not-so anonymous tipster at Tundra Talk, We had our top-level investigating interns pull this Travel Manitoba Tourism poster into Photoshop CS3 for close-up examination - Lo and Behold there, eh! A patch of green that survived the fake color adjustment. Did Brett Favre's early retirement mess with the plans of the Gimli Icelandic Festival? It's must be true, click through to see the shocking evidence.

This young boy was clearly in a Green n Gold Packers #4 jersey, but with BF's quicker than expected retirement, the Travel Manitoba board was forced to alter their tourism posters. Like many of us, they suspected BF wanted to be a Vikqueen in Minnesota, and it looks like executives in Manitoba agreed with that sentiment, and gave the go order to change and remove the Green Bay jersey from their tourism posters.

Poor kid, a proud Packers fan now forever branded a Vikqueens fan. Yes it's Shocking! Someone should be held accountable!!! Trashing cheeseheads from Wisconsin is no way to run a Tourism Industry up there, eh.

BeerKid - Still Pack For Life!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Colossus Of Green Bay... 

Tonight on your favorite local access channel, comes an exciting episode of Wisconsin History Detectives. Was there a Colossus of Green Bay? A giant man nicknamed Le Favri, with his stone axe and oblong rock who defended the watery entrance to the Fox and East Rivers of northeastern Wisconsin. A myth once thought to be an old local drinking legend, and jokingly called the 4th Wonder Of Ancient Wisconsin. There is new historical evidence to suggest otherwise, a hand drawn map from 1867 that clearly shows the Colossus guarding the entrance to Green Bay. We sent our favorite historian detective, Professor Lemon LeDrop to investigate.

"Well, the first thing that stands out is this whole idea of a stone axe and rounded rock. One can clearly see in the artist's reproduction of the map that we're looking at a NFL Football and a Vince Lombardi Super Bowl trophy. Jeeeesh! It clearly looks like Brett Favre to boot". Continuing, Prof. LeDrop said that "I decided to look into the nickname "Le Favri", which appeared from our other information that we gathered to be of French orgin and was short for 'Ítre le favori', which can be translated as 'be the favorite'. Now looking at this in a whole new light, it's mangled by time, but it clearly stands for Brett L. Favre, A current QB for the Green Bay Packers. So I headed west into the woodlands to search for more references to the Colossus."

"Now what's truly new is that we found information concerning the Oneida Oracle of Ashwaubenon, and her role in having the giant statue created. Her prophecy of a great leader who would come and lead the people to the promised land, not once but twice." said the Professor. "That can be confusing. But if you believe that the Colossus not only existed, but represented Brett Favre some 150 years before he was born, then the Packers still need to win another Super Bowl with Brett Favre at the helm."

Controversial for sure, but we thank Professor Lemon LeDrop for her time and comment, and make sure to tune in tonight to your favorite local access channel and learn more about the Colossus of Green Bay, the 4th Wonder of Ancient Wisconsin.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

A Chilling Tale Of Horror... 

Just when you thought it was safe to walk before the legends of Green Bay's historic past... Beware! Amongst the gray ghosts there are a few who not quite dead yet.

Grab your women, hide your children, it's time for Packer Palace's Monster Horror Chiller Theatre to bring you this summer night a Chilling Tale Of Horror that will rattle your bones all weekend long.

Beware! It's another weird Packers tale of terror and walking dead men from under the Tundra of Lambeau Field. If the ball tolls for you, then the The Ball Tolls Death!

A Word From Tonight's Sponsor...

When the Green Bay weather turns frosty, who can you count on to keep your electric socks running all game long. We can help. Plug in with PackeReady Rechargeable Batteries, estimated to last 200% longer than the comparable NFL brand of battery, and you'll never have cold toes at Lambeau Field again. Go Packers!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Son Of Favros... 

If you loved what we did in the first installment of Football God of War, well now we'll be the objects of your adoration forever. It's returned, "Football God of War II - Son of Favros". Your green and gold life will now be complete with this new edition to the gaming family.

Now that the old football war god, B. Lorenzo Favros has retired to his golden throne and greener pastures to do whatever retired gods do, who's left to defend the battlefield of football play, well it's his barely bloodied QB backup of a son, that's who.

After 3 years of intensive training, the Son of Favros is ready to go on the attack and defend the fabled lands of northern Green Bay from invading hordes that only the Old Gods of the NFL can bring. He's a player with no past, his future unwritten before him and although untested in lengthy battle, he's ready to compete and earn his name. You'll just love it. With the newly improved "Meat Slicing Blades of Lambeau" you'll be able to hack your way through all those that would oppose your ascension to the Gates of Lambeau during the upcoming NFL football season.

Worried about your general stamina and specifically about injuries to your legs, no problem this year, with the "Wings of St. Vincent" wrapped around and guarding your every move, injuries are no longer a problem, now able to withstand hits that would cripple an ordinary man, you'll be ready to battle week in and week out.

Reach the final rounds and break the legendary Gates of Lambeau, unlock hidden levels and secret treasures. You'll be able to enter the Playoff Round mini-games, conquer them all, and you'll find yourself facing off in the biggest baddest bossiest battle ever created, the "Arena of Super Bowl Champions". Bloody gore is all that will be left in your wake, rated for Mature Audiences, it's fun for the whole family.

Like the previous edition, "Football God of War II - Son of Favros" is available in all known formats. X-Box 360, PlayStation, Nintendo, PC, MAC, DOS, Gameboy, Amiga, TRS-80 and many other fine gaming consoles everywhere. Not available in the continental United States or anywhere on Planet Earth for that matter. Not yet anyway, but you are forewarned, Son of Favros has arrived.

Quoth Lombardi...

If you can accept losing you can't win. If you can walk you can run. No one is ever hurt. Hurt is in your mind.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Favros Is Coming... 

Usually one thinks of the Son of God on Easter Sunday, but we're thrilled to announce a more sports oriented sort of god. It's the "Football God Of War - B. Lorenzo Favros Edition". An aging football warrior again faces epic battles from the field brought back from his past to be re-lived in fun for the family (Rated MA - Mature Audiences Only) vivid gory bloody graphic detail. Take on the Ancient Gods of Football on the field of play, only this time your armed and dangerous.

Successfully complete a TD throw, and the "Meat Slicing Blades of Lambeau" will score higher damage points. Fourth and 26? No problem this time. Use the "Rage of Vincent Lightning" to obliterate all those that stand before you, QB sneaks were never so easy when you're the only one left standing on the field of play with health and magic levels refreshed.

Win a argument with your head coach (use the "Butcher Blade of Green Bay" repeatedly, to keep the conversation short) and instantly unlock new secrets and hidden levels. Replay the Ice Bowl, a fan favorite, no one is tackling you when you have your "Burning Badger Shield" ignited, with all the flame and ashes, "Run to Daylight" takes on new meaning.

Other hidden treasures include the Favros is God Mode feature. In this auto-play mode, you trigger the blinking Blitz Beer icon that flashes at the beginning of play and you can just sit back and watch 18 un-interrupted hours of Favros waging football warfare in an automatic "set to win" setting, and enjoy your favorite brew to boot.

Best part yet, it's available in all formats. X-Box 360, PlayStation, Nintendo, PC, MAC, DOS, Gameboy, Amiga, TRS-80 and did we mention 18 hours of auto-play, you can even get it on CD and audio cassette for your listening pleasure. Format friendly Favros is Coming...

Not available in the continental United States or anywhere on Planet Earth for that matter. Not yet anyway. Be prepared, Favros is Coming!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Thrilling Wonder Stories... 

Tonight we offer to you our an extra-special release of:

Thrilling Wonder Stories

Featuring this year's new thrilling drama "The Brain From Green Bay", a tantalizing tale of mind-bending football horror straight from the darkest depths of the terror-filled swamplands of the outer remote regions of Green Bay. With GM Ted Thompson running the show, you'll be cowering in utter amazement at the gigantic database of un-relenting, terrifying football knowledge that this man wields. No player, no fan can be left unscathed. An instant fan favorite, you'll just love "The Brain from Green Bay".

Just when things were settled, and everyone convinced that running back was A.O.K. comes the parade rain, Mike McCarthy's new "Get Running Back" will be sure to leave you unsettled, heading for bathroom and reaching for the Pepto Bismal, or wondering what the weather is like in Houston this time of year. Whatever your intentions, "Get Running Back" will leave you and your friends talking Packer football all season long.

Don't let their exterior demeanor fool you, there are a few cagey old-time veterans still on the team. "Torn and Frayed" takes you into the micro-analysis that every Packers fan enjoys (and to the great annoy-ment of all those around his vicinity) as QB Brett Favre and DB Al Harris list out the thousands of reasons that will convince you that the Packers are playoff bound in 2007. Special night-clubbing appearance by LB Nick Barnett. One of those stories that Packers fans can just never put down at any time of the year.

Be Pack 4 Life!

A Word From Our Sponsor...

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Recommended Late-Night Reading... 

Tonight on Packer Palace's Recommended Late-Night Reading list we offer to you our extra-special Green and Gold printing of:

Super NFC North Stories, Vol 1.

A fan-friendly collection of football stories, featured in this edition is awe-inspiring tale of one man's vision to face the trials and tribulations that only the NFC-North can provide, and his amazing play at redemption, The Old Man Rises... from our favorite long time QB of the Green Bay Packers, Brett Favre.

Also featured in this volume, is the non-inspirational play and single-digit rated junior leaguer from the often bad windy city, duh Bears QB Rex Gross,Man (as often is his play) with a tale that will sure to put you to sleep, Da' Silence of the Da' Bears, no mayhem, no murders, just some drunken ex-players run off the team. This story is recommended by the Sleep Research Society for those nights when you can't get the rest you need, guaranteed to knock you out cold.

More stories to wow and amaze you, the startling story of a another old man's desire to out play them all to claim the crown, The Illusionary Man, this utter fantasy comes from another Motor City Madman, Detroit Lions QB Jon Kitna, the new and improved 50 TD man. Also included is a harrowing mis-adventure tale from the Twin Cities by relatively unknown QB Tavaris Jackson, Do Fear The Reaper. Somehow he's at the controls of the perennial non-Super Bowl appearing Minnesota Vikqueens and don't you dare be afraid of the results, it's the way head coach Brad Childress game plans. Dead Man's curve never looked so good.

Many, many more sensational football stories from the old-time Blackest and Bluest division of NFL Football, the NFC North. It's something that you and your family will cherish for the rest of your lives... Don't wait to Buy Now!

Be Pack 4 Life!

Now A Word From Tonight's Sponsor...

Hey Norm, Pass Me Another Curly's!

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Tonight's Featured Presentation... 

Tonight on Packer Palace's Monster Horror Chiller Theatre we are presenting our extra-spectacular Special Extended Green and Gold Edition of:


Featuring none other than our favorite cast of Green Bay Packers. "Who's My Offensive Playmaker Besides Donald" QB Brett Favre, "Asleep At The Master Switch" GM Ted Thompson, "All Energy All The Time, Mr. Excitement" Head Coach Mike McCarthy and What Happened to my Replacement? How's That Again?" CEO Bob Harlan in riveting roles of exciting all encompassing in-action.

Stay tuned as this unusually un-suspenseful titillating Packers off-season careens into a climatic close with the start of Training Camp. With a special guest non-appearances by Randy Moss and many others that can't be named.

Don't miss out, don't even think to blink, it could all be over. So don't miss this very special encore presentation of The Day The Earth Stood Still In Green Bay by Packer Palace's ever lovable sponsors of high quality products, Blitz Beer, Meat Slicers Club Card and Acme Meat Packing.

Be Pack 4 Life!

Now A Word From Our Sponsors...

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Tonight, For Your Viewing Pleasure... 

 ...It's Rockwood's Creature Double Feature!


  Complete the Trifecta!  The Creature returns
  in The Pirate Love Boat.
Packer Plus Online ESPN NFL Loser @ NFL.COM Green Bay Press Gazette Packer Net Green Bay Packers Official  Rockwood Lodge 2004  Shane - Fat Oak Records They're Out There...They're Real!